October 03, 2026
Primetime poster, copyright A24.
A few nights ago, I went to see the new movie, Primetime. It was a random last minute thing with a new friend of mine where she needed to watch it for an article she was writing. For research. I didn’t know much about it when I agreed to join her. All I knew was Robert Pattinson from Twilight was in it and he wears a gray or blue suit.
“Yeah! Sure. What time?” I said.
We went. We watched. And at the end of the movie she touched my arm compassionately and said, “I’m so sorry I suggested we see this movie.”
“Why?” I said. Looking at her kind of blankly and confused.
… “because of your past.”
And then it hit me like a freight train.
“Oh” … “yeah,” I said solemnly. My face changed.
The revelation sparked a conversation where I shared more about the events that happened to me during the years of 2011-2015(ish). ** See videos below**
It hadn’t even registered to me that the movie might be triggering. Even after it ended it didn’t.
The movie’s longline is: “Inspired by true events in 2006, ‘To Catch a Predator’ host Chris Hansen sets out to make television history. But when a high-stakes operation goes fatally wrong, his veneered dream of fame curdles into a nightmare.”
The movie is about uncovering sexual predators and using video to do it. It didn’t even phase me. When I got home that night I was thinking about it…
I’m either healed enough from that experience that it didn’t register to my body to take it personally or I’ve completely compartmentalized that chapter in my life that it didn’t even register with my body to flag it. Or maybe it’s a third thing I can’t name or put a label on yet.
I think it’s the latter.
I started researching Chris Hansen and looked at his Wikipedia page. It said after ‘To Catch a Predator’ he went on to host ‘Crime Watch Daily.’
‘Crime Watch Daily’ … I thought? Where have I heard that?
Oh yeah, they did a segment on what happened to me too in 2015. A two part episode that was one of the catalysts for me moving to New Mexico. I watched it in the house of my former University Minister and his wife. On the couch. Holding my breath. On network TV with surround sound.
What a small weird world.
How the brain “forgets” and “remembers” at different times. Memories. Smells. Sounds. Exact details you just recalled. Why can’t I access it all at once?
“I forget everything” I thought to myself… then I'm like, “No, I don’t.” I don’t forget anything” … and it’s all still in there and my brain, body, and heart are protecting me so I can get out of bed in the morning and keep going. It’s compartmentalizing. It’s filing away the past to survive today. I just thought I was farther along. Somedays I think I am. Somedays I think I’m not. It’s interesting how it’s all still there. Muscle memory. But I guess it is what we do with it that matters. How we choose to use it to move on today (or not).